walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
