butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I intend to get homeless drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
