she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
