Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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