I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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