I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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