your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
