Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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