i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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