i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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