I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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