p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
