pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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