it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
