your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
