i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
