It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize