i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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