Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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