You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
