Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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