I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
two words: eviction party
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
