I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
