my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
