I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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