I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
