grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize