and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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