If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
