I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
