Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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