I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
