So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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