I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
