You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Congratulations! We have a period
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