meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
