Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
