He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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