we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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