he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
