I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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