i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize