Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i don't like sucking hair
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
