I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
