woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
