Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
