just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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