im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
