She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
