I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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