I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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