I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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