I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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