I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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