I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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