that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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