just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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