Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I look better un-naked...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
