Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
