we have officially lost it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
