WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
