dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
