We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize