This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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