paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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