we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You took a bar mat shot.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
