Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize