Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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